Ruby Rose
The Silver Eyed Warrior
Hi guys
So i am currently writing a novel in right now and I would like some feedback of my story so far! I have three chapters done but I'm only going to only post the first chapter for now. My novel does not have a name yet (but I do have some ideas though) and I hope you enjoy it! Comments and friendly criticism is encouraged.^_^
EDIT: Please note that the chapters may a few changes to them over time. Also if I'm taking a long time to post another Chapter It probably means I am currently writing a new chapter. Your patients will be appreciated and feel free to ask any questions about my book.
Bonus fact(Just for fun): Some of the names(people,places, ect.)I have are in different languages and mean certain things. I have looked up these names on Google Translate. If you find out the meanings of some of these names go ahead and say it. I'll tell you wether your right or wrong.
Chapter 1
The sound of wood hitting wood rang through the farmyard. I looked at my opponent,a tall 17 year old boy with sandy colored hair. I charged at him with my sparring stick, thrusting it forward with all my might. When I was just inches away from his chest, he swiftly stepped out of the way and struck at my right leg. Before I could recover he swept his foot under mine,sending me to the ground. “Ugh.” I knew the match was over. The boy chuckled, “You'll get it right some day Kairi.” I sat up and replied, “I know Wolfgang, but you're just so quick!” Wolfgang bent over and offered a hand. I grabbed it and he helped me up off of the ground. “You're a great fighter. But you just need to be mindful where and how you're striking.” He informed me. “Kairi! Wolfgang! What have you two been doing? It's almost time for the Academy Ceremony!” I turn to see the owner of the voice. Riley, my cousin and best friend, runs up to us. “Calm down Riley, we were just practicing some fighting moves.” I told her. Wolfgang nodded then looked at his watch, “No need to hurry, it's only 8:30 a.m. The Ceremony is in a hour an' a half.” Riley shook her head, “We should still start walking there. I don't want us to be late! ” I rolled my eyes, “Riley, the Warrior's Academy is just over West Cururibita Hill.” She let out a sigh. Wolfgang laughed, “Ok,ok. We'll start walking. Besides, it will be a great time to look around town before leaving for the Warrior's Academy.” Riley seemed satisfied with this. So we began to walk towards West Cururibita Hill. I lived in this town, Cururibita Hollow, with my aunt and uncle. My parents were both warriors. But my father was killed in a battle when I was very young. And my mother went on a dangerous mission and never came back. I've always wondered what happened to her....
My thoughts drifted away as we approached the local grocery store, which is owned and ran by old Mr Jackson. I could see Mr Jackson dusting cobwebs that hung from the wooden beams in front of the store. “Hello Mr Jackson.” I greeted. Mr Jackson looked at us and adjusted his glasses. “Hello there young'uns! Heading off for the the Ceremony I suppose?” Wolfgang nodded, “Yes sir.” Mr Jackson then gave a stern look and shook a finger at us, “You better listen to your teachers. They're serious up there so no pranks now, you hear?” I couldn't help but laugh,Mr Jackson know very well that we were a bunch of joking pranksters. I remember the time we glued a penny to his front desk so people would try to grab it. “Don't worry Mr Jackson, we'll be good.” I said mischievously. Mr Jackson chuckled then resumed his cobweb dusting. We past the store and turned up to the dusty path of West Cururbita Hill. I Iooked behind me as we climbed the large hill for one last look of the town. People, young and old, were walking about the main street doing business or talking with friends. Some children were playing tag, chasing each other and hiding behind barrels in the alleys. I could also see the farm and farm house where me and Riley lived with my aunt n' uncle,which wasn't to far from where Wolfgang lived in a small mansion. I sighed. Even though this town was small I still loved it. Everyone who lived there treated everyone like family. “I can see the Academy!” Riley suddenly exclaimed. I looked forward to see the towering building of the Warrior's Academy. A tower of the academy stood out over the trees of the forest. The stone bricks had a color of light navy blue and also had designs carved into the stones. “Wow...” I muttered. I never seen such a building so huge or beautifully designed! When we finally made our way down the path to the academy you could see students gathering at a small stage in front of the Academy. “See, I tolded you we weren't going to be late. We're right on time.” Wolfgang told Riley as we found a spot to stand at. She sniffed then turned to the stage. A middle aged man wearing glasses a navy blue vest, I assume the Academy's color, then came onto stage. I assume he is Professor Caomhnoir, Headmaster and owner of the Academy. “Welcome everyone! I am pleased to see so many brave, young people willing to learn the ways of a warrior.” I was so excited as I listen. But then something odd caught my eye. I turned my head right to see a muscular, shady looking man dressed in dark red, which reminded me of some sort of warlord. He looked to old to be a student and defiantly wasn't a teacher,because he wasn't wearing the teacher's uniform(which is also navy blue). The man stared at the stage with a certain gleam in his eyes. I nudged Wolfgang, “Ow! Hey, what's the matter with you?” He gave me a stern look. I pointed to where I seen the man. “That guy looks shady, is he a student? He's the one wearing dark red.” I asked. Wolfgang snorted, “You got cotton in your head, silly. I don't see anybody wearing dark red.” I turn to look for the man again but he was gone! “But...” Wolfgang put a hand on my shoulder, “Ok, you may of just seen a spectator, a lot of people like to tend to these Ceremonys.” “Ok, I guess you're right.” I mumbled. The man was probably just a spectator. Or was he?
So i am currently writing a novel in right now and I would like some feedback of my story so far! I have three chapters done but I'm only going to only post the first chapter for now. My novel does not have a name yet (but I do have some ideas though) and I hope you enjoy it! Comments and friendly criticism is encouraged.^_^
EDIT: Please note that the chapters may a few changes to them over time. Also if I'm taking a long time to post another Chapter It probably means I am currently writing a new chapter. Your patients will be appreciated and feel free to ask any questions about my book.
Bonus fact(Just for fun): Some of the names(people,places, ect.)I have are in different languages and mean certain things. I have looked up these names on Google Translate. If you find out the meanings of some of these names go ahead and say it. I'll tell you wether your right or wrong.
Chapter 1
The sound of wood hitting wood rang through the farmyard. I looked at my opponent,a tall 17 year old boy with sandy colored hair. I charged at him with my sparring stick, thrusting it forward with all my might. When I was just inches away from his chest, he swiftly stepped out of the way and struck at my right leg. Before I could recover he swept his foot under mine,sending me to the ground. “Ugh.” I knew the match was over. The boy chuckled, “You'll get it right some day Kairi.” I sat up and replied, “I know Wolfgang, but you're just so quick!” Wolfgang bent over and offered a hand. I grabbed it and he helped me up off of the ground. “You're a great fighter. But you just need to be mindful where and how you're striking.” He informed me. “Kairi! Wolfgang! What have you two been doing? It's almost time for the Academy Ceremony!” I turn to see the owner of the voice. Riley, my cousin and best friend, runs up to us. “Calm down Riley, we were just practicing some fighting moves.” I told her. Wolfgang nodded then looked at his watch, “No need to hurry, it's only 8:30 a.m. The Ceremony is in a hour an' a half.” Riley shook her head, “We should still start walking there. I don't want us to be late! ” I rolled my eyes, “Riley, the Warrior's Academy is just over West Cururibita Hill.” She let out a sigh. Wolfgang laughed, “Ok,ok. We'll start walking. Besides, it will be a great time to look around town before leaving for the Warrior's Academy.” Riley seemed satisfied with this. So we began to walk towards West Cururibita Hill. I lived in this town, Cururibita Hollow, with my aunt and uncle. My parents were both warriors. But my father was killed in a battle when I was very young. And my mother went on a dangerous mission and never came back. I've always wondered what happened to her....
My thoughts drifted away as we approached the local grocery store, which is owned and ran by old Mr Jackson. I could see Mr Jackson dusting cobwebs that hung from the wooden beams in front of the store. “Hello Mr Jackson.” I greeted. Mr Jackson looked at us and adjusted his glasses. “Hello there young'uns! Heading off for the the Ceremony I suppose?” Wolfgang nodded, “Yes sir.” Mr Jackson then gave a stern look and shook a finger at us, “You better listen to your teachers. They're serious up there so no pranks now, you hear?” I couldn't help but laugh,Mr Jackson know very well that we were a bunch of joking pranksters. I remember the time we glued a penny to his front desk so people would try to grab it. “Don't worry Mr Jackson, we'll be good.” I said mischievously. Mr Jackson chuckled then resumed his cobweb dusting. We past the store and turned up to the dusty path of West Cururbita Hill. I Iooked behind me as we climbed the large hill for one last look of the town. People, young and old, were walking about the main street doing business or talking with friends. Some children were playing tag, chasing each other and hiding behind barrels in the alleys. I could also see the farm and farm house where me and Riley lived with my aunt n' uncle,which wasn't to far from where Wolfgang lived in a small mansion. I sighed. Even though this town was small I still loved it. Everyone who lived there treated everyone like family. “I can see the Academy!” Riley suddenly exclaimed. I looked forward to see the towering building of the Warrior's Academy. A tower of the academy stood out over the trees of the forest. The stone bricks had a color of light navy blue and also had designs carved into the stones. “Wow...” I muttered. I never seen such a building so huge or beautifully designed! When we finally made our way down the path to the academy you could see students gathering at a small stage in front of the Academy. “See, I tolded you we weren't going to be late. We're right on time.” Wolfgang told Riley as we found a spot to stand at. She sniffed then turned to the stage. A middle aged man wearing glasses a navy blue vest, I assume the Academy's color, then came onto stage. I assume he is Professor Caomhnoir, Headmaster and owner of the Academy. “Welcome everyone! I am pleased to see so many brave, young people willing to learn the ways of a warrior.” I was so excited as I listen. But then something odd caught my eye. I turned my head right to see a muscular, shady looking man dressed in dark red, which reminded me of some sort of warlord. He looked to old to be a student and defiantly wasn't a teacher,because he wasn't wearing the teacher's uniform(which is also navy blue). The man stared at the stage with a certain gleam in his eyes. I nudged Wolfgang, “Ow! Hey, what's the matter with you?” He gave me a stern look. I pointed to where I seen the man. “That guy looks shady, is he a student? He's the one wearing dark red.” I asked. Wolfgang snorted, “You got cotton in your head, silly. I don't see anybody wearing dark red.” I turn to look for the man again but he was gone! “But...” Wolfgang put a hand on my shoulder, “Ok, you may of just seen a spectator, a lot of people like to tend to these Ceremonys.” “Ok, I guess you're right.” I mumbled. The man was probably just a spectator. Or was he?
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